My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
