my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize