What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize