People in love make me want to vomit
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
