Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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