It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize