theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
