There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
