What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i drank out of a bidet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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