im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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