Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this beer tastes like vomit already
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
