So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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