Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
