i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
