Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
