I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Welp...herpes.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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