My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize