My underwear smells like fireworks.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
