She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
