dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
