I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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