were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
