I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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