So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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