Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
