i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
