The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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