Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
