I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
