Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
As shirtless as possible
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
