he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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