FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is Oprah even human
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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