been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
