What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize