she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
