What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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