oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
