i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
