I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
