she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
