I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
