there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
