The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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