I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
