end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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