I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
