I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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