u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
