After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
