My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
