I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
