from now on my penis is your penis
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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