He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
