Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
