the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
