I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
