bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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