she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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