I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
