dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
