Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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