i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize