You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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