I will die if light touches me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
