sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
