How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
