I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
