Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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