I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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