God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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