What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
