I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just blew my weed a kiss
i need some magic done to my vagina
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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