Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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