I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
