Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
