I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
