weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize