If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
