:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
