thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
