don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
