i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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