Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize