Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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