Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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