Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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