Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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