actually, I'm a sock model
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
