you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
