You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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