he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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