you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My bed smells like the plague
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize