I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
