It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
