Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
