we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I checked into jail on foursquare
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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