a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My vagina is officially offended.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
