woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
