Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
