Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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