She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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