I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
