I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
