if you like me you must not know who I am
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize