I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
