I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this boner is exhausting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
