Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
