I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize