She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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