I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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